I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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