Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
