we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize