There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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