Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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