Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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