fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you win again, gameday.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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