Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
