It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize