Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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