Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
