Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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