you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
