the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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