Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
