the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
