I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize