My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize