well I can't set my house on fire every night
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
