I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
