my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
