Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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