PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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