All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
