I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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