its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
