Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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