NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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