She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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