i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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