I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
