weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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