end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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