just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
