I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
