i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
