i just had sex bonerless
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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