Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
