you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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