GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
