Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
