So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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