I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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