Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
