nut hugger
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
