The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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