I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
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