i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
