so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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