Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
