If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
