You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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