her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
