from now on my penis is your penis
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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