I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I need help removing her.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
