Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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