mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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