i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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