This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
