You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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