When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
