filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
