I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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