When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize